Twenty 20
by Mr.unpredictable
Summary: Harry Potter was always predictable. Probably the only letdown. Think how much fun it could be with all the magic in the air if the characters were just a bit unpredictable! Trying to make it funny.. Hope it turns out good.. one-shots.. a good timepass
1. 20 reasons

**Twenty possible Reasons Harry Potter lived past the night of Halloween.**

1. Voldemort didn't aim properly and the curse hit the compact mirror of Lily's that caused the curse to rebound on him.

2. Voldemort saw Harry and thought, 'what a cute little baby!' and hence there was no intent behind the killing curse.

3. Harry Potter was an immortal elf. (Think LOTR)

4. Harry Potter's shiny new toy shined light directly into Voldemort's eyes causing him to misfire.

5. Voldemort mispronounced the spell as Avada Keshavra which is a hair remover spell and since both of them didn't have any hair it exploded.

6. Voldemort tripped on Peter in his rat form and fell while firing the spell. (Boy Pettigrew is gonna get a lotta crucios when Voldemort is resurrected.)

7. Harry Potter thought voldemort's wand was his new toy for the day and as all kids do broke it at first opportunity.

8. Harry Potter had sharingan and copied it.

9. Harry had a cross shaped pendant which caught the brunt of the curse. (Do English movies never get tired of old tricks?)

10 .Harry Potter rolled over in his sleep.

11. Voldemort had emptied his quota of killing two people a day.

12. Harry Potter was actually immortal Voldemort from the future who wanted to stop his old self now his future self from doing all those things.

13. Voldemort realized he would get bored after sometime if he was immortal. So he decided to spare him for some entertainment.

14. Voldemort slipped in the place where baby Harry had peed earlier and hit his head and died.

15. Voldemort realized that Harry Potter was J K Rowling's creation and only she could kill him.

16. J K Rowling threatened to make Voldemort gay instead of dumbledore, if he killed Harry Potter.

17. Voldemort decided a baby was the perfect gift for his girlfriend Bellatrix.

18. The door to the nursery was too small and Voldemort was too proud to bend his head in front of his enemy.

19. The curse hit a mosquito that died and this made all other mosquitoes attack him.

20. Harry pooped and Voldemort fled the room at the sight and smell.


	2. 20 reactions

20 Reactions to being told you are a wizard/witch.

All characters are assumed muggleborn and this is their first introduction to magic.

Harry Potter: "Are you sure? Why does everything happen to me?? I don't want to be special or handsome or smart or brilliant. I just want to be normal and be kicked around by everybody"

Hermione Granger: "What? Why? How? Is that real? How did you do that? Is it like the magic in fiction? Is Merlin real? Does being a witch mean being a bitch? Can I see your wand? How many magical people are there? Why aren't my parents magical? What is magic?"

Ronald Weasly: "Huh, can you make food appear like that every time??"

Ginerva Weasly: "Are wizards cuter?"

Tom Marvolo Riddle: "Ha, I always knew I was special, now I will have power and I will conquer the world!! Yes!! Muahahaha!! How dare you not tell me before now?? Do you know how much time you have lost me??"

Severus Snape: "Sounds like it's for ignorant bigots. I prefer my chemistry set."

Draco Malfoy: "What's in it for me? I will agree to go if you tell me whether there is a magic spell to keep the hair slicked?"

Vincent Crabbe: "Duh!! (Grunt)." (I think that's a yes??)

Neville Longbottom: "Me? Wizard? (squeak) I think…. you must be… mistaken??"

Gilderoy Lockhart: "Brilliant! I always knew I was destined for great things. Do you want an autograph now itself??"

Sirius Black: "Heeheehee!! So many pranks and so much fun!! I can't wait!!"

Lavender Brown: "Oh my God!! Oh my God!! Oh my God!! Oh my God!! I am just so excited. It's like so hot!!"

Fred Weasly: "Mate, that's frigging…" (George isn't in the list to complete this sentence.)

Remus Lupin: "I know I turn into a beast and go into a murdering rampage once a month. But that's no need to call me names. You should be ashamed of yourself".

Luna Lovegood: "Oh. I already knew that. The blimblers told me when they rescued me from tramgrams."

Bellatrix Lestrange: "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I am a witch, I am a witch, I am a bitch!!!!!!"

Blaise Zabini: "Wait!! I am a witch?? But I am a boy!! Don't confuse me now!!"

Fleur Delacour: "Eef you zink its mazic zat makes me beautiful, you muzt be miztaken. I waz alwez zis pretty."

Albus Dumbledore: "Peppermint? No? I had a theory it was something like that. Of course I realize now that it all fits. There never was any other explanation."

Mental Hospital Attendant: "Yes of course, if you say so. Now go stand in line. It's time for your medication. (Sigh) It really is confusing and freaking weird how so many people are living in the same delusion. Hell, the disease is hereditary too."


	3. 20 pick up ideas

Twenty Great Ways to pick up Hermione Granger.

Recommended Reading to understand the humour:

Double entendre for Dummies

The Complete reference: Innuendo version 6.9

"Hey… There is a great book show near my apartment. Wanna go there??" (You didn't specify whether you wanted to take her to your apartment or the book show. (Incase she asks about it when you take her to your apartment)).

"You know, being surrounded by books makes people think you're cold in bed." (It works if you're like Ron. She'd want to argue with you.)

Suggest she start the freeing of house elves of the next generation. Take her to ask how they breed.

Hide a "Will you be my date?" in her Divination book and tell her the book predicted it!! (Books are never wrong!!)

Take a club and beat the biggest looking guy near you on his head. (Worked for Ron when he beat the troll). P.S. Make sure the guy doesn't get up soon.

Tell her you're a librarian when she asks what you do for a living. Score!!!!!

Keep your nose in a book, trip over her and kiss her. (If you're a Gryffindor).

Tell her you're unsure about your sexuality and you need her help to figure it out. (for huffle'puff's) (Really the girl has a serious 'helping people' complex)

"Who's the most desperate girl in this class??" (For teachers only)(guess whose hand is up first???)

Call her 'Her-on-my-knee'. (It's always the quiet ones ;-) )

Take her on a tour to search for the library of Alexandria (if you're thinking long term).

Buy her a sweet that is good for teeth. (If you find any buy some for me too)

Stalk her in a library with a grouchy face. (Hint: Viktor Krum)

Convince her that your summer homework is to take her out to wherever you want to take her out. Call it a Human Relationship study. Fascinating really.

Form SPPA – Society for the Protection of Premarital Affairs. Ask her to join it. (Advice for people who had to read the recommended books: Don't tell her the expansion. Make her guess it.)

Wear tights. (Why do you think she went to every quidditch practice?? ;)

Have a discussion about how copulation is viewed in different cultures(For ravenclaws)

"You know, I have always liked the person at the top." (A slytherin dialogue)

"You look great in pink. I bet you would look even better in pink" Yule Ball. Note: There is no mistake in the sentence.

Just grab her by the waist and kiss the bejeebus out of her. (Works for others also. Try at your own risk.)


End file.
